So I was talking to a psychic the other day. She told me that dead people are bored a lot of time and are looking for a job they can do to help out people here on earth.
So my dad turned me on to this matter. He has assigned my mom (dead for 25 years) to the task of finding him a parking space when he can't find one. He'll look up towards the heavens and ask for some help. Within a minute, someone will pull out right in front of him, and he'll slide on in.
Last weekend I could not find a space in a busy resort town. So I gave it a try, Nook to mom, Nook to mom, come in mom. Believe it or not, it worked. So now I don't want to burden my mom with another job, but I'm thinking of the best way to utilize some dead folks powers, just in case this whole thing actually works. I'm thinking I need a good dead LD. Two problems here, I do not know any dead LD's, and even then what would I like them to do.
First off, I hate focusing conventional lights. What if I could do a quick pre focus of a bunch of fixtures while the truss is 5' off the ground, then rely on the dead LD to touch them up once the truss is at trim. That would be too cool. But there's got to be more.
What if we could get a dead teamster to automatically figure out the most efficient truck pack for all our gear. Then somehow beam this knowledge directly into everyone's brain. Then everyone would know the best truck pack and there would be no confusion at load out since everyone knows the correct order of road cases.
What if we could have a dead electrician automatically meter the power at every gig. Then take it a next step and have them automatically re tap the buildings transformers to the voltage that would suit us best.
What if we had a dead rigger automatically watch over the rigging and make sure everything was safe. Then we would not be forced to hang extra steel as truss safeties in case something failed?
What if we had a dead audio guy adjust the acoustics in every room for the PA company. No matter what system was brought in, you could flatten out the EQ and everything would sound just perfect.
What if we had a dead seamstress magically fix every tear in the set curtains. Or for that matter, psychically alert a performer that they are too fat to fit in their stage clothes and cause them to go on a self induced diet so the old clothes will magically fit correctly by show time.
But back to lighting. What if the dead LD could critique my show and automatically adjust my lighting cues so they look good. Or just change the colors on certain fixtures so the scenes just look brilliant. That's what I would like to do if I was dead. So if I pass on in the next few years, I would appreciate if someone would say a little prayer and give me a gig. I promise i will make you look good, and you will never have to tell anyone how you come up with your looks.
But for the moment, I don't know any dead LDs. I'm trying to think up a way to kill Paul Normandale. This way I could keep him working and my clients looking good.
