Keeping the Lonesome Road from Dragging You Down
On a long and lonesome highway, east of Omaha… No, I’m not going to read into that Seger song. Karaoke doesn’t start until 8 p.m.
I’m sitting on a bus thinking about my family and loved ones back at home. I’m thinking about how all “puppies and rainbows” it would be if they were out here traipsing the continent by my side. Bringing my four-year-olds twins, wife Sharon and Kala the black lab might be a little cost prohibitive for the tour (if not completely annoying to the guy who cleans the bus). I can only imagine that it helps to ease the pain when you’re ridin’ sixteen hours and there’s nothin’ there to do. I talked to a few couples about their experience of traveling and working with their spouses out there in the spotlight.
Sharing the Road
Now there are some who have managed to make a comfortable lifestyle touring, living and working with their significant others in our world of Hollywood Nights.
And the vast majority of roadies and technicians spend a lifetime working away from their families with no difficulty. They prefer listening to the engine moanin’ out his one note song alone. They like to separate their work time from their home time. Being on the road is dedicated to work and being at home is dedicated to their family. Others prefer to blend the lines and take along a little bit of comfort and tenderness with them.
According to Marta Kwiat, lighting technician for Upstaging, “At work, I am one of the guys. Outside of work when everything is on a truck and we are all showered, I can go back into wifey mode. It’s all about balance.” Marta and her husband of four years, Wayne Kwiat, tour together with Coldplay. They met when they both worked at the Upstaging shop outside of Chicago. Wayne went on tour with Coldplay first. A few months later, they needed to add another set of hands, so they gave Marta the opportunity. They toured together on Coldplay for two years and didn’t start dating until about a month or two after the tour ended. It was then that they realized that their friendship was more than just a friendship. “No. We didn’t ‘hook up’ on Coldplay,” Marta says, rolling her eyes, as it is obviously a question that they get asked a lot. On the road, you feel the eyes upon you as you’re shakin’ off the cold. Marta continues, “Sometimes this is a business where people like to pry, and we are very private people when it comes to personal matters.” When I asked Marta if it was all puppies and rainbows touring together, she replied “Yes! We don’t really fight. True story. I know it sounds weird. Sometimes one or the other gets moody but it’s not ever a ‘thing.’”
Joe Cabrera II and Cat West of Flash and Trash Works have a similar situation. They met at a bar in Vegas, as adults are wont to do. This particular evening was a gathering of lighting professionals during LDI 2004. Seven years later, they started their company. As of now, they have taken to the road with different shows and not toured together, though there are a few times each year when they have adjacent consoles at FOH for local gigs and one-offs. One of them may be programming lighting while the other programs video. Occasionally, they’re both working on the same lighting rig. “In that situation, it’s very handy to work with someone who’s in the same headspace that you’re in,” says West. She continues “Anyone that works in tandem with other programmers knows how having the right programming partner makes all the difference in the world.” Cabrera added: “Work is work. Our similar programming styles make collaboration on shows easy. And we very rarely program rainbow chases.”
I asked both couples if they ever get hassled by the production of the crew for being a couple on job-site. Surprisingly, neither couple had any negative reactions to report. Both couples credit their lack of work-site harassment to their hard work ethic. “Neither of us has been hassled, probably because we maintain a professional work ethic on job sites,” says Cabrera. “Nope. In fact they seem to love it because it saves them money on things like hotel rooms,” adds Kwiat.
Having someone to hang out with during the downtime surfaced as the major benefit to having your partner in the same field. When you walk into a restaurant, strung out from the road… well, it’s nice to have your best friend with you. “You do the work, make fun of each other, have each other’s back when the gig is rough, and vent about it all over drinks at the bar afterward,” Cabrera jokes. As for holidays, well, “We get to spend Holidays together,” Kwiat says. Instead of asking two other people to be separated from their spouses and family on a holiday gig, Production asked Marta and Wayne to cover the gigs for Thanksgiving and New Years. That sounds like a win-win to me.
Some Words of Advice
I talked with other couples that preferred to remain anonymous. They did want me to give some words of advice to any couples that are considering a work life together in the entertainment biz. So here’s some advice from the people who have made it work:
• Keep your relationship private until you are positive that this is the real thing. Just because you hooked up after too many drinks at the bar in Katmandu does not mean that your relationship needs to be down on Main Street. You do not need to broadcast your fire down below for each other anywhere other than outside Nutbush City Limits.
• Don’t ever let your relationship take precedence over the gig when on-site. Remember, rock ‘n’ roll never forgets. If you start a lovers’ quarrel in the middle of a load-in, you’ll be loading out against the wind sooner than expected.
• Don’t ever let the gig take precedence over your relationship anywhere else. Your relationship needs to last eternally longer than the 23-city Ride Out tour. You have to promise each other that what you have is real. Make time each day to discuss things that interest both of you that are completely non-work related. Your life is not based on your current gig. Your alliance will stay strong, like a rock.
• Pick your battles. When your partner thinks that a rainbow chase belongs in each chorus of the ballad and you know that a ballyhoo is the clear choice, remember to keep your words polite and your actions smooth. You will be able to come up with a compromise that won’t leave you looking like a beautiful loser.
• Keep work at work. Once you both clock out, Clock Out. A few rants over a drink are perfectly acceptable, but beyond that, your relationship needs to be based on more than your last gig. Always remember that your partner is a human being who needs love and compassion just as much as they need positive feedback about their work efforts.
Couples who work together can make a great team. They’re passionate about what they do and have a shared vision of what they’re producing. They each bring something very different, yet totally complementary, to the game. When personal and professional lives are blurred, a successful show inevitably contributes to a successful home life.
Turn the page.
Chris Lose is currently working as lighting director for Stevie Nicks’ 24Karat Gold Tour. He learned some of these lessons the hard way
