It’s become painfully evident to me that this industry has been overrun with people who take too much responsibility for their actions. Every day it seems like I’m on a show where a technician double-checks his work, a programmer tests her backup console or a designer accepts the blame for an uneven front wash.
People! This has got to stop!
We cannot go on working like this. We cannot continue to excel. We cannot persist in doing things the “right way.” It’s with this in mind that I present you with some guidelines on how to better represent your industry.
I know (and you know) that you phoned in the light plot for this gig. I don’t blame you. That hammock was calling your name and you had just loaded up the cooler when the e-mail arrived asking you to verify your front light angles.
How were you to know that the ceiling in the ballroom was so high? That layer was turned off in the file you got. Did they actually expect you to go in and find the layer called “rigging_info?”
I don’t think so.
So, just let everyone know that the CAD Software was to blame.
Okay, we’re friends, right? Just between us, we can both see that the front wash is tripe. That video shader is working his butt off trying to keep up with the light level on this presenter’s face. It’s too bad that everything below his neck seems to be lit so well.
I know, the cut sheet on that 26-degree spot was confusing — field angles, beam angles, foot-candles… You were a theatre major, not an engineer. What do they expect from you?
I think it’s fair to say that these fixtures suck. Worst you’ve ever used, right? Right.
Good. I think you’re starting to get it.
Your design fees are lower than ever. (Design fees? You get design fees?! –ed.) All the while your clients expect more and more bang for their buck. They think technology is making your life easier! You wish you had a 64K PAR rig.
So when they handed you the video file to play back from the media server, you dragged-and-dropped. It’s a media server. It’s supposed to play back “media”…right? You shouldn’t have to check on codecs, frame rates, bit depth, or anything else. Who cares if it’s interlaced?
Unfortunately, the corporate branding video that your client had spent so much time on ended up looking like a Philip Glass experimental video gone wrong. It didn’t help that the “solarize” effect was turned on.
I think it’s fair to say that this is the sole fault of the media server. Just explain to your client that they had given you a video file in a very obscure format. Unfortunately, the media server couldn’t handle it.
But be quick to assure them that you will never use this product on one of their productions again, and that if they would increase your budget a bit for the next show, maybe you could actually get the proper gear.
So, as it turns out, the complete blackout that happened in the middle of band’s most popular song didn’t go over very well with management. They’re ready to fire you and you don’t even have enough per diem left to get home.
This is a simple one really. Blame the console. The sound guy says you were falling asleep (due in part to your massive hangover incurred in the back lounge of the bus the night before), but that GO button shouldn’t be so sensitive. It was just your elbow, after all.
Better yet, see if you can convince the tour to lend you their attorney so you can sue the console manufacturer! After all, how were you supposed to know that DBO stands for ‘Dead Black Out’? This could be a big payday! Maybe you can finally quit touring with this Trip-Hop Tejano Jam Band.
It could work.
Let me make this simple for you. You’re paid for your knowledge, not for what you know. You can’t be expected to be an expert on every piece of gear that you use. That’s just unreasonable.
Don’t get me wrong. I love technology. I think it’s terrible that you would still have to do a show with old technology that you know backward and forward. What kind of a challenge is that? How are you supposed to work like that? How can you be expected to put on a rock-and-roll corporate tradeshow spectacle without the newest LED-enabled laser-enhanced 16-bit RDM-addressed video-orb?
They just shouldn’t expect you to know too much about it. After all, it’s your first time using it.
Phil Gilbert is trying to figure out how to light his next spectacle without having to leave his hammock. You can reach him at pgilbert@plsn.com.
